I’ve been attempting to concentrate recently. Maybe you will have, too.
I thought of how the main focus has been so totally different this yr than in another yr of my life. The pandemic, its monotony and his interruption appeared to wreak havoc on my means to concentrate.
First, the monotony. Life in lockdown, for me and maybe others, has made it frustratingly tough to distract myself from no matter home and each day annoyances I’ve been avoiding addressing or resolving for the previous thirty years. But the sudden tempo of a quieter life has made these tensions (unresolved frustrations, unhealthy communication habits, unexpressed hopes) more durable to disregard. To my dismay, these on a regular basis realities saved recurring… like, on a regular basis.
The monotony, the little annoyances, the work calls that at all times begin three minutes late, the creaking of my chair, the one dish my husband leaves within the sink on the finish of the night time, the rehearsed, transactional methods we transfer via the day to “get via it” relatively than take pleasure in it, enjoyment of it, or delight in it—I’ve labored onerous to concentrate to all of those recurring realities.
I saved eager about Ernest Hemingway, who mentioned that we should always write “onerous and clear about what hurts,” and I needed to ask a follow-up query: positive, sir, however how can we listen, in a tough and clear approach, to that boring? Around the center of final yr, I spotted that in case you stare at uninteresting actuality for too lengthy, you may go cross-eyed*, a lesson all of us discovered ~the onerous approach~ from the again of a Teddy Graham field way back. (*Or you may obtain enlightenment; in my case, it was the previous.)
Where monotony narrowed my visual view, the disruptive nature of the pandemic appeared to impair my mind’s means to make sense of what I used to be looking at.
Which brings me to the second half: the breakdown. For all of the methods by which my consideration has narrowed, kind of, to the issues at hand, I’ve additionally concurrently felt like I am unable to fairly deal with nothing in any respect. Where monotony narrowed my visual view, the disruptive nature of the pandemic appeared to weaken my mind’s means to make sense of what I used to be looking at. Yes, I nonetheless depend on photographs of Teddy Grahams. Let your self be carried away.
Attention fatigue. Exhaustion from the pressure on the eyes and thoughts from concentrating so lengthy on the blurry monotony, attempting to make sense of it day after day. Trying to take care of the issues at hand regardless of the monotony, and attempting to take care of what issues most regardless of the interruption.
My associates who work within the medical discipline (though it might be true in different roles as properly) inform me that they’ve skilled excessive consideration fatigue: such focus take part to the wants of others, to the purpose that after they lastly “get there” they nearly collapse, as in the event that they had been holding their breath for all the length of their shift.
Others, a lot of whom are dad and mom working from dwelling with infants and toddlers, mentioned they felt their consideration was utterly dispersed: by no means as soon as Enough touchdown on a single object, thought, or individual. Simply shifting from one pressing scene to the subsequent, with an ever-growing psychological record of issues to do when the laundry basket is put down and the timer goes off and the youngsters go to sleep (and so forth).
In addition to easily naming these items (in case the articulation will help you assess the place you or your family members are), I wish to share one thing that helped me perceive what to do about this psychological fatigue.
I used to be studying a e-book of essays by Simone Weil, a Twentieth-century mystic, activist, and thinker whose writings on consideration put this transient reflection in full embarrassment. But who’s judging? (Me, and perhaps Simone, too.)
I consider consideration as a psychological college that isn’t nearly cognitive understanding but in addition presence, not simply one thing however taking it into considerationAnd extra importantly, no matter I’m attempting to do take into accountsI’m additionally attempting to to be taken in from it.
She writes that “Attention, carried to its highest diploma, is identical as prayer. It presupposes religion and love. Absolutely unmixed consideration is prayer. If we flip our thoughts towards the nice, it’s unattainable that little by little the entire soul won’t be drawn towards it regardless of itself.”
You do not must be the praying kind to understand his level. When I consider consideration as prayer I consider consideration as a psychological college that isn’t nearly cognitive understanding but in addition presence, not simply one thing however taking it into considerationAnd extra importantly, no matter I’m attempting to do take into accountsI’m additionally attempting to to be taken in from it. Isn’t that what true focus seems like? A sort of deep consideration to one thing that, over time, solely absorbs us extra? An exercise, an individual, a spot, or an concept that sustains our focus in such a approach that we by no means run out of which means, irrespective of how lengthy we commit ourselves to it?
When I learn this essay by Weil in December, I instantly had a kind of instinctive information of the sort of actions that assist me Be cautious on this completely absorbed approach: taking part in and writing.
Specifically: taking part in with my toddler and writing in stream of consciousness, the sort that helps me course of, identify, bear in mind, or vent about one thing that is been bugging me for some time. Don’t get me fallacious, it is nonetheless utterly uncommon to really feel like I’m paying consideration properly, however after I do, it is after I do these sorts of actions that permit me to take one thing whereas I additionally really feel that I’m myself, taken from them. I believe this should be a part of what Simone Weil means by prayer. I believe that’s why these acts really feel sacred to me. I additionally assume it begins to make sense of a few of my consideration fatigue this yr. I’m undecided, regardless of all my makes an attempt to concentrate, that I’ve paid consideration to the sorts of issues that fill me and make me really feel current and grounded, relatively than perpetually scattered.
I additionally assume it is beginning to make sense of a few of my consideration fatigue this yr. I’m undecided that, regardless of all my makes an attempt to concentrate, I used to be partaking within the sorts of issues that fill me up and make me really feel current and grounded, relatively than perpetually scattered.
I’m curious: have you ever observed any variations in how, what, and whether or not you’ve been in a position to concentrate properly this yr? What sorts of actions aid you really feel absorbed, and never simply entertained or distracted (or productive, for that matter) once you listen? What knowledge do you will have for paying consideration, whether or not you’re drained or full?